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'​.​.​.​& All His Boyish Charms' (2009)

by Marq DeSouza

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WHO IS BETTER THAN US? Who better than us know what it's like to be lonely? We got our freak flag flying so high, it might fly away I know we all have a voice, but do we all have a say? Tired of the haystack and of being the needle Wanna set whole realms of fire with a hot ardent zeal Apocalypse then, apocalypse now, apocalypse soon It's always happy hour some where, it's always high noon There's a lot more of us here, than there are of you In the margins of the alley, in the valley of the chosen few
MORE THAN A PRICE A scrapbook or the trash bin, where do all these memories belong? Time heals some things painlessly, but other things they just bruise on Electric dreams & un-hatched schemes, every promise riddled word Have gone the way of the dodo bird A career's worth of chaos, built up in just a few short years Damn this river, freeze then shiver from full force of tears Was it something I did? something I inherited? all this wet heat that fueled my heart Has gone the way of the horse and cart More than a price, that's what I paid for this It's something I can't get back, something I can't pay twice More than a price, that's what I paid for this Turned me as tough as nails, made me as cold as ice More than a price, that's what I paid for this Turned me as hard as hail, made me as cold as ice Think I'll move out to the country, try to get away real far Out from under the shadows of a useless, senseless war It's all red tape, all dangled bait, any cutting to the core Has gone the way of the dinosaur Relativism, is not my type of philosophy You've got to judge it based on your company And I've worshipped idols, who've died upon their own sword Not gonna be a slave to this crave any…
You and me, we could be so happy together But I know that all of this wouldn't last forever Two of us, we are just like stars in the sky Way too high to come down and brave stormy weather Been alone, heart of stone, all cards to the vest But this weight that you feel, it just needs off of your chest I can help, been there myself, these scars you conceal As you ache for the daylight that the sun's warmth can heal So if you're tired of waiting and watching these wheels spin around You ain't going nowhere Just solitaire bound Had a dream it would seem our lives were entwined And they rhymed like the verse of a riddler's crime Could this really be a dance with fate? Do you really want to take the chance of waiting too long For the quicksand vine? Time builds its cages Adds to the prison inside Are you the warden? Or are you just a con? Who traded their freedom for pride You and me, we could be so happy together But I know that all of this couldn't last forever Here we are, come so far, now every step Is a light year away from those distant regrets
B.J. Babe 08:30
Hey black jacket babe, are you really so tough? Content with the rings from your cigarette puffs What did you expect from me, yet another dead end? I don't recall saying that I needed a friend You swore you'd never get caught, that most lives are a trap Won't accept second place, don't wanna see no one's back But you need someone strong, a good man on your arm To compliment all of your liquor store charm Hey black jacket babe, every note I meant From each strum of my strings to every stroke of my pen You said words are a lie, it's only pain you can trust I used to believe that, but I had faith in us You gave a royal speech, from the monarch's throne Espousing the virtues of living alone These are curious times, my friends don't understand Just why you'd pour fire on a burning man Our hand it was forced, a wedge driven between I came off weak, but you came off mean I'd trade all I have, for us to re-live You could dull your edges, & I could forgive Hey black jacket babe, did I leave you no doubt The words loser, lover and loner, are just one letter out? You're a song with no bridge, your chorus incomplete… Hey black jacket babe, is there somebody else? Are you there with him now, while I'm here by my self? An imaginative mind can be like a curse Whatever you're doing, I'm picturing worse Hey black jacket babe, maybe we weren't bound for glory But the wound cuts deeper to think I'm unworthy With you it was always the hardest to take To see this connection you were unwilling to make Kept your lips shut tight, while the lights were dimmed low Wouldn't let me in places I wanted to know There's not an inch on you that I wouldn't have devoured But the days were like minutes and the weeks like hours You could never decide what you were interested in But you were sure it was something that I couldn't have been Time's healed the scar; still you never had a clue When it came down to the wire, what I'd have done for you Hey black jacket babe, I hoped you were proof Of a flickering star, in the twilight of youth Each memory I trace, defines bittersweet Did you really exist, or was it just my conceit? Is the obvious loose, like a rattling chain? A hangman's noose, cutting off air to our brains I'll ask one last time, give me all that you got I know you can sing, now i wanna hear you talk
December days are near again I'm not standing too tall As the sun trades shifts with the moon and the snowflakes start to fall Here I sit reflecting upon so many things Like that mystery groove, & how I can prove I've got the voice and I can sing I'll take this funny feeling and spin it into gold Throw indecision to the flaming pit Either show my cards or fold But I can't wait too long I only have until the end of this song I know I'm not in your league Or even the same sport For every cute-ish line I toss your way You got a wittier retort Admit that there's no reason Why you and me can't rhyme I've trawled the many uncharted miles Off the great wall of your pride And I can't wait much longer My love grows so much stronger I'm spinning like a skater, on a sheet of frozen rain If the ice melts, from the heat felt I'll meet you at the bottom of the drain You know my little missy dear, every time that we're alone My heart runs wild like a bastard child who's out searching for a home But I can't wait too long We're already at the middle of this song Your hell it hath no fury To the touch it's nice and hot The little boy in me wants to tug on your curls The man in me has far more devilish thoughts Don't expect the world from me Or even simple answers I'm on time, my house in order, got semi-good looks, do I have to also find the cure for cancer?
My pain is plenty, my friends are few, do you think I could matter to someone like you? With hard times behind me, in which ditch will you find me? I've got loose lips from sips of cheap wine A master of disguises, deception and surprises But for you I would walk a straight line My fantasy swims, in a river of sin My carnal thoughts know where we'll travel And every place I will trace on your skin I've carved out a theme of slight of hand schemes But it's come time to settle this game It's down to the end of this poisonous pen There's barely enough ink left to write my name A light's on the horizon I'm dragging around lies and I've gambled all the fortunes that I've made All for you down to the edge of this blade My compadres in the clink sure still like to drink Imprisoned with prisons inside Disregard the disgrace and I'll show you my face In the light of your eyes I won't hide Somewhere there's a cure for the bad things that were Every innocent soul that's been shattered Every heartache my loved ones have endured My hands are busy, but my aim's still true, do you think I could matter to someone like you?
I made a line graph of the last 5 years, high was good, low would represent loss But I ran out of paper, the pen hit the table, going vertically down not across I aint no joker, not a face made for poker Can't force myself to not give a toss But I know, that I'm gonna have to learn to let go I was stuck in a rut, thankfully there's a but, there were still signs of life to me yet So I jumped like a rabbit from a hat of bad habits, to this day it's a promise I kept Still I thought I'd wake up, be completely unstuck Instead I'm bogged down in all this regret I move too slow, and I'm gonna have to learn to let go It was all crystal clear from the view in the mirror that sometimes even good looks deceive I needed to thaw, so I had to withdraw, from the ugly & everyday freeze The shadows my friend, gonna use it to mend Come back at a million degrees I swear to god I'm gonna glow, but I'm gonna have to learn to let go So suddenly I testify to the committee of lost years Reliving every train wreck, broken friendships, endless tears The stadium's packed, all the odds they are stacked, the bets say my chances are slim But I'm gonna fight, use all of my might, so don't be suprised if I win My trainer's got ice and a lot of advice, he says Be a man take this punch on the chin Just like a pro, I'm just gonna have to learn to let go. Oh, will I ever be happy? Oh, If I can just hang on The dreaded lonely nights will be gone
Lighter than a feather, that's the key phrase of the day You had no reason to trust me, but you did anyway I've done so wrong to many, lucky I always knew the right thing to say Now that I'm feeling better, I'm back to claim the prize An heirloom of a mojo hand, and a pair of serpent eyes There are no hidden secrets, of which you would be surprised Lighter than feather, as you kissed me on the cheek For a guy so ready to rumble, it sure left me weak I'm a relic from a bygone era, who's surely reached his peak I can recite sermons on wasted youth Or stand helpless before you and show you living proof Some might say it's over kill, but I just call it brutal truth Lighter than a feather, absolved of any crime So much to measure up to, such little precious time Why would you cross this ocean, when I can barely cross your mind? I've given up the battle, to them I cede control Take your best shot; go try to find the tyrant in the hole I'll help to look tomorrow, but today is much too cold Lighter than a feather, tickling the air Delivered straight up to heaven on a whispered prayer I have so much inside I'd like to say to you, but can I bring myself to share Some things you learn and other things you just feel Like a drinking man yearns for the cracking of the seal All your secrets are like covered skin that I want you to reveal Lighter than a feather, balanced on the steps Such a shock to the nervous system of one who's plumbed such lonely depths I've signed all living documents and covered all my debts Will ahead be stormy weather, forcing us apart Will the lies from your tongue become truths in my heart? I took a path to darkness that led straight from the start Lighter than a feather, in me you can trust But investigate my priors and frisk me if you must I'll accept any punishment, any sentence you see just I've got you in my sights, and your name is in my book Ever since you shot me that oh so hard to read look So go ahead take a chance right now, it'll be the best one you ever took Lighter than a feather, but still a fool no more I'm been waiting for a howling wind, to come knocking down your door You said to let you know when, but I kept on wanting more and more and more
I'm going to open up a bar for the broken hearted Sling all the drinks for the people just like me A place where the dear folks can mourn their departed Who've given up hope of living ever happily? We'll get a bouncer to keep out all the happy couples Don't need reminders of lives that might've been You order a single; I'll pour you a double You're the king; tonight the bottle is your queen I was sober, but that's over Yes I was sober, but that's over It was fun while it lasted, but now I'm off getting blasted So I'm going to open up a bar for the broken hearted Sooner or later I know she'll come around To see the place that her wicked ways have started It'll be the hottest spot, the busiest place in town Now it's always been a dream of mine to have a place to call my own But in this room so full of like-minded souls, I can't imagine feeling any more alone We all pace this dance floor solo, keep our affections guarded Inside we cry a lullaby, a song for the broken hearted
Everything's looking up from the deep of this well But is it the womb of re-birth, or the bottom of hell? I look for the day, where I won't look for order Renewal seems just around the corner Used to take the shortcut, rob Peter pay Paul Aspire to the vanity of the rich, be the wicked belle of the ball I thought to be king you had to be cruel And the tighter the fist, the longer you'll rule At a very tender age, I headed out west A meal of decadence, I sucked from the breast The lessons were hard, & I sure took my licks But my tongue still wags, & my clock still ticks I made a vow to my ego, never to be confined Every treasure to be hoarded, forever to be mine But the minutes turned long, every day like a year Till I couldn't recognize, what looked back from the mirror If you let it, this life can grind you to dust Lead you down alleys, of despair and disgust Forgiveness remains for the righteous and wicked For the lovesick and hated, for the healthy and sicked When I look in the eyes, of my child I can see That most of him is perfect, and the rest of him is me For everything you must fight, even your own history Which has already happened, isn't that crazy There are very few things I have any clue what I'm doing Every man has that right to be his own ruin Every bargain is made from a weakened position Diagnosed with a case of the human condition When I close my eyes quick, movies play in my head Soundtrack drenched in the blues, musicians long dead At an auction I bid for some worthy advice From Mohammad, the Buddha & Jesus Christ I ain't got thick skin, but I'm pretty well dressed About little things, I'm a lot of obsessed But I'm working my way to get out of this rut No more punch lines, punch-drunk or punched in the gut There's a fine line to walk when pursuing romance Either jump in too soon, or you miss the chance When I get through the door, things go right up in smoke They either think I'm a jerk, or they don't get my jokes From the time I could think, I believed in a voice But they made me believe my belief was a choice The angles can change but no matter the view The truth doesn't need me, and it sure don't need you People ask me my hobbies, I tell 'me suicide prevention 100 percent success rate, with a client whose name I can't mention I tell him or her that the best comes tomorrow So it's first light I seek, and daybreak I follow I've gone where the boat simply drifts with the tide If you want to jump on, need no ticket to ride There's always a risk of a surprise attack I've sailed through that storm, but I'm thinking about going back Something's gone very wrong, with the world today Can't be fixed by a faith, or how hard you pray I don't mean to be harsh, or to sound the alarm Where others see hope, I can only see harm The hardest thing to accept is that yesterday's gone You can't go back and change it no matter what you did wrong But right now is forever and it's in your command Every moment is a promise in the palm of your hand


order full album here www.cdbaby.com/cd/marqdesouza3

-A very personal rock album. He also writes from a very moral perspective, which gives his record a strong POV. These songs are not filled with empty thoughts but actually try to say something. (Vancouver Province)
-Inspiration drips from every distorted and bent guitar note, down-but-not-out vocal phrasing, and sneered lyric. (Georgia Straight)
-Way smarter than average take on the singer-songwriter thing, and ear for what made rock classic. (The Nerve)
-Gritty, intelligent rock songs Wilco & Bob Dylan fans will appreciate. (Vancouver Courier)
-Think Steve Earle with the needle still in his arm. (Discorder)
-A lotus land Springsteen
with the bite of a pitbull. His music is radio-friendly, thinking mans driving rock. (Lethbridge Herald)


released January 1, 2009

- Produced by Marty Ballentyne & Marq DeSouza except track 10, produced by Marq DeSouza & Shaun Howells
- Mixed by Marq DeSouza, Marty Ballentyne, Chris Holmes at Greenhouse Studios
- Mastered by Jamie Sitar at Suite Sound Labs
- Cover art by Jonny Ostrem

- All instrumentation by Marty Ballentyne & Marq DeSouza except bass on track 6 by Jean Savoie
- Audio manipulation on track 4 by D'arcy O'Connor
- All lead vocals by Marq DeSouza except for track 1, co-lead vocals by Marty Ballentyne, & rap by Hellnback
- Various background vocals by Marty Ballentyne, Amanda Sellers, Zoe Ballentyne, Kristi Lane Sinclair, Donovan Bruyere

-All music & lyrics written by Marq DeSouza except track 1: lyrics by DeSouza/Ballentyne/Hellnback, music by DeSouza/Ballentyne
track 2: music by DeSouza/Haney
track 6: music & lyrics by DeSouza/Love

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Marq DeSouza Vancouver, British Columbia

-A very personal rock album. He also writes from a very moral perspective, which gives his record a strong POV. These songs are not filled with empty thoughts but actually try to say something. (Vancouver Province)

-Inspiration drips from every distorted and bent guitar note, down-but-not-out vocal phrasing, and sneered lyric. (Georgia Straight)
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